Tag Archives: life coaching

Single: the Rules, the Wait, & Reckless Love

Today, I write this article as an eligible Christian bachelorette dating  joyfully and faithfully – but that wasn’t always the case.  In 2014, I dated, believing that I was ready for marriage and thinking that it was the men who I dated who were the ones responsible for the failed relationships.  I came to realize, however, that I was the common denominator and responsible party when they went on to get married and engaged…lol. Life-Coaching And so, 2015 was all about working on myself in the context of relationships: learning how to be open-minded, empathetic, patient, gentle, slow-to-anger – ideally never-to-anger, and learning, simply, that the world does not revolve around Jeanette and everyone has a valid point-of-view that deserves consideration.  I learned how to be a better counterpart in all of my relationships and I grew by light years.  I owe this progress to my life coach, Patty – I call her my Patty in my pocket – she gave me new eyes and a new life. The Rules The_rulesAnd with those new eyes, I re-entered the dating pool.   I now knew how to be a good girlfriend – a gracious girlfriend.  I was excited.  And I achieved some success, but I still felt somewhat out of control – some guys worked out and some didn’t and I didn’t know why one way or the other.  I needed a game plan – and I was introduced to and read: the Rules.  Or rather, I inhaled the Rules.  I read every edition available, typically over 1-2 days each. I had hour-long discussions about it w/ my girlfriend who introduced them to me and we agreed to be “Rules friends,” reaching out to each other for “Rules support.” I marveled at how differently and wrongly I had been dating.  My entire approach to dating changed.  Time-wasters weeded themselves out as only those who were available, interested, and ready rose to the top.  And for the first time, I was enjoying dating.  I was having a blast, meeting great men, and enjoying fun dates.  Then, I finally met a guy who really rose to the top, making it to date 13.  He was treating me right, taking me out, respecting me, adoring me, and just being a wonderful man that I loved spending my time with.  But…he didn’t love the Lord.  He may have identified with Christianity, but he didn’t live for God – not the way I knew I wanted my future husband to.  What had happened? Reckless Love Reckless-Promo-Slide-01-1032x590In the midst of this dilemma, a friend of mine introduced me to a sermon series called Reckless Love that answered that question for me: I was idolizing marriage.  I was making finding the one more important than being content in God.  As a result, I was casting too wide of a net.  I was casting a net that would capture men who were ready, available, and interested, yes, but not necessarily men of God.  I was making having a relationship more important than having a Godly relationship! My friend divulged to me the difficulties of an unequally yoked relationship and I suddenly saw yield signs that forced me to slow down and pay attention.  After watching the Reckless Love sermon series, I re-prioritized my source of love to be God’s love over a man’s love.  Additionally, I gained a peace with and even an excitement over my singleness.  I saw the opportunity  in my single hood.  I put on the peace of God and the faith that He would bring my man to me in His best timing.  I decided to serve God in my single hood and trust Him with my future mate. And once again, I re-entered the dating scene with new eyes:  I dramatically changed my dating profile to reflect how important God was in my life and my future mate.  Personally, I vetted men with the criteria that they be, yes, ready, available, and interested, but alsomen of God.  As a result, my dating pool shrank dramatically in quantity and rose in quality. The Wait 51h0nPrNVzL._SY344_BO1,204,203,200_During this time, I picked up Devon Franklin and Megan Good’s book: the Wait.  In them, I saw a couple who was hot and Hollywood and Christian and had found one another and written a book about waiting on sex and waiting in God and I wanted to hear what they had to say.  Reading that book affirmed everything that I had learned from Reckless Love – that our single hood is a wonderful time and we should maximize it to become incredible men and women of God and incredible partners for our future spouses.  The Wait affirmed believing in God’s provision of a mate and honoring God with our single, dating, engaged, and married lives.  Devon and Megan affirmed waiting until after marriage for sex and living together.  They affirmed the importance of a short engagement, getting to marriage, employing pre-marriage counseling, and a host of principles that I believe in.  And most importantly, they affirmed the beauty, joy, and fullness of doing it God’s way, as they believe that they are living God’s Plan A lives for them today as a result of their obedience and faith. With all of these tools, I am more open, more ready, more patient, more joyful, and more sure of what I’m looking for and able to offer than ever.  I marvel at what a journey it has been.  I’ve become an entirely different woman in this game of love and it’s been an evolution like none other.  I’m so grateful for all of these tools – they have all played a part in teaching me and I use parts of all of them as I navigate this adventure we call love. IdRatherChooseGodsBest If you’re struggling, scratching your head, or have even given up in love or life, the best advice that I can give is: keep the faith and don’t give up.  It’s in trying different tools, books, talks that we all aggregate what becomes our approach.  I do recommend all of the above that I mentioned, but it may not be the perfect fit or the full fit for you.  Regardless, keep trying, keep seeking, keep praying…keep the faith…and you’ll find your way! GodsBest

My Landmark Forum Experience

I recently took a course called the Landmark Forum that has seismically shifted the space that I’m operating in.  I was referred to it by a trusted friend who reported all sorts of positive results.  Being that I felt I could afford to experience a breakthrough, I waffled a bit and then prodded by some frustrations and a check that came in, I made my move!  And so, on a recent weekend, I found myself spending 3 days, 10 hours each day, soaking up radical views on our existence and approaches to our life events.  Below are the points that made the most impact on me.  I’m excited to share with you and solidify the information for myself as well.
 
What happened vs. Your story of What happened. landmarkWe are meaning-making machines.  We attach meaning to stuff that simply happens and those meanings usually don’t serve us.  Then we drag those meanings all the way through life so that our present state of being is a result of a damaged child.  Remove meaning from all the bad things in your life and you will be free to to have peace of mind, self-expression, power, etc. What this means to me: My dad can hang up the phone abruptly with me and I won’t take it to mean he’s insensitive or doesn’t want to talk or doesn’t love me.  I can leave it as simply “He hung up the phone.”  This simplicity allows me to step into the next moment w/o preoccupation from life’s stories.  We have the freedom to change our stories as well.  “I am not a morning person,” is just a story and can be changed if you choose to author it differently.  
 
Get good w/ your parents
One assignment that everyone had  was to call their parents and thank them for the gift of life and for all the good things in his/her life.  Conversely, such meant that everyone then had to take responsibility for all of the things that were not good in his/her life.  Everything that your parents did after giving birth to you was bonus.  And thus, they don’t owe you for any of the things that you are probably blaming them for.
An entire room of almost 300 people were making calls to their parents to say “I love you.”  Chinese twenty-somethings who hadn’t called their parents in weeks to seniors who had decades of resentment to release…released it all.  It was incredible to witness healing on such a massive scale.  For me, it softened my approach towards my parents and gave me compassion for them.  

Relationships are 100/0
We usually think of relationships as being 50/50….and so we wait around if we feel that the ball is in the other person’s court.  Well, Landmark teaches that all it takes is one person to decide he/she wants to make the relationship whole and the other person will rise to the occasion.  This gives you permission to take action.  Now that’s uncomfortable, but it’s going to save the relationship. This was huge for me.  It took the waiting out of  reconciliation.  It told me loud and clear that I needed to make some phone calls.  
 
Don’t make anyone wrong. There is no wrong; there is just another possibility.  Consider the possibility that someone else has another way of doing something.  Then, when you talk to them about it, you aren’t coming from a self-righteous, “attitude-y” place; you are coming from a place of enlightenment where you want to create a new possibility for yourself and that person.  You can be right and alone or you can have a relationship.  And no one wants to go to the grave, “having been right” [and no one at their funeral].
 
Forgiveness Forgiveness does not condone the action at hand.  Forgiveness is for you; it releases you from the right to punish or resent the other.  And when you have resentment in your heart, you’re not at ease, aka dis- ease, aka disease, aka you get sick!  And when you ask them to forgive you, you’re releasing them from resenting and punishing you.  That is why it’s so important to apologize.  An apology completes the relationship.
mothertheresa
 
You chose everything in your life. Your life is a result of your choices, not your decisions.  Decisions involve reasons.  Choosing is simply your choice.  Therefore, if you take on the mindset that you chose your parents; you chose yourself; you chose everything, then everything is perfect and thus you have perfect parents, you are perfect, your body is perfect, etc.  When you start using the word “choose,” you empower yourself and stop making yourself a victim to your circumstances.
 
Everything in the present is given by the future.  
When it’s Friday, you’re already living in the weekend.  When it’s Sunday, you’re already living at work.  When you have a vacation in que, you are already losing weight for it two months out.  Thus, the present is given by the future.  Now, if you attach meaning to the past, the future is consumed by an effort to try to recreate the past or avoid the past and the present is given by that.  So, your present is simply about the future which is about the past.  But if the past has no meaning, then it doesn’t exist in the future, and thus, your present is unaffected by it.  Then, you can enjoy the moment.
Life is Meaningless; don’t take things so seriously. The game of life was invented to raise the stakes in a game to keep us interested.  I didn’t like the way this sounded to me at first, but I have to admit that this phrase has removed a lot of the stress and burden that I oftentimes place upon myself in the name of being successful, being a good daughter/sister/friend, being a good Christian.  A levity is discernible to me post-Forum. There is no tomorrow, there is no past, there is just now, then now, then now, etc.  Just live in now.
Don’t place so much significance on weight, it’s just weight.  And then it comes down to discipline. This was big for me, but I think that being in a happier, more secure place after the Forum will help me be in control of my diet and exercise naturally.  Then, not placing such great emphasis on weight will make it easier to create a transformation as well.  Whatever you resist, persists.
Language is the author of everything.
When God said, “Let there by light,” there was light.  Create new possibilities for yourself by speaking them out.  Declaring is the beginning of creation
possible
These were just  some of the moments that took residence in my brain.  I have to say that I’m excited to take the Seminar Series on Thursday, designed to help one solidify their knowledge from the Forum.  I would whole-heartedly recommend the Forum to anyone who is looking to lessen frustration, decrease stress, heal relationships, remove life clogs and drains, in order to ultimately live life w/ power, peace of mind, self-expression, and freedom…what we all want.  (Power is the velocity with which you can enact ideas into action).  Anything is available that you want for yourself.
I didn’t buy into everything that the Forum taught, and so I’ll add the disclaimer that it will not necessarily all be for you.  But I’d be lying if I didn’t confess that I’m feeling like I can breathe easier, live more spontaneously, shrug off things that don’t serve me, and choose the life that I want.  I’m relaxed!  And all because life is meaningless…go figure!