For Women Only: 7 revelations about your man that will change. the. game.

for-women-onlyThis book by Shaunti Feldhahn is A-Ma-Zing.  You will learn everything that you need to know to hack your relationship, demystify your man, and get what you want out of love.  I believe it.  I can’t say that I’m living proof.  Yet.  But I’m excited enough to share this with you because this book literally brought tears to my eyes as I learned everything that I had done wrong and everything I can do right to make it all work.  This book speaks truths, is Biblical, and hits the nail on the head so many times in such a conversational, page-turner voice that I truly recommend it to any woman.  Whether you are in a relationship, in between relationships, or something else, this book is a beautiful insight into these creatures that we seemingly can’t live with or without…men!  I’m sharing the first chapter with you because it was the most profound for me, and then I want you to buy it right here for less than $3.50…and that includes shipping and handling! Men Are Hired-Wired to need Respect and Affirmation When asked whether they would rather be “alone and unloved” or “inadequate and disrespected,” 74% of men chose the former.  This is how important respect is to them.  To men, respect and love are the same thing; they don’t differentiate between the two.  So, if a man feels disrespected, he feels unloved.  And if you want to love your man in the way he needs to be loved, then you need to ensure that he feels your respect above all else.

Women need love.  Men need respect.  The Bible says “Men, love your wives; women, respect your husbands.” (Eph 5)  Is that not amazing?!

In response to feeling unloved, women break down and cry.  In response to feeling disrespected, men get angry.  He won’t necessarily spell out “You’re disrespecting me!” but you can be pretty sure that if he’s angry at something and you don’t understand the cause, there’s a good chance that he is feeling the pain or humiliation of your disrespect. Unconditional Respectcouplesshot10 Just as you want the man in your life to give you unconditional love, your man needs you to demonstrate your respect for him regardless of whether he’s meeting your expectations at the moment.  It does tremendous things for your man to know that you are choosing to trust and honor him. It’s a Choice! Just as our men can choose to demonstrate love toward us even if they don’t feel it at the moment, we can and should choose to demonstrate respect. It has to be Shown! Feeling respect for our men, but not showing it is the same as their feeling love for us but not showing it.  It’s like that awful joke: “Why do I have to tell my wife I love her?  I told her that when we got married!” Now comes the million-dollar question: How do we demonstrate this respect?! Respect His Judgement Many men wished their mate wouldn’t question their decisions all the time; there’s a need for us to defer to them sometimes…yes, even in these liberated days!  Imagine your man feeling that his opinions and decisions were valued everywhere else but the home?!  Women run the risk of making their men feel stupid!  You don’t want that problem! couplesshot13Respect His Abilities Men want, and maybe even need to figure things out for themselves.  Let him fiddle with it for hours; they’ll feel like they’ve conquered something and are affirmed as men.  Sometimes, interfering because we really don’t  trust them demonstrates that distrust and will come back to bite us.  The lesson: let him drive around without asking for directions; choose to trust that he knows what he’s doing and will figure it out; it’s more important to have him feel trusted than get to that party on time. Respect in Communication Women hold an incredible power in the way we communicate with our men to build them up or tear them down, to encourage or to exasperate.  Some things just push a man’s buttons – even how we say it and where we say it. Example of hearing disrespect: A wife tells her husband, who wants to take a crack at fixing something, “Well, you’re not really the fix-it-type” and he feels so insulted.   Example or hearing disappointment: A wife reminds her husband that the kitchen wall still needed to be fixed.  The man sees it as nagging or an accusation of laziness or mistrust. Example of hearing attacks:  A woman asks “Do you know how to put together a romantic event…” and then switches it to “Suppose you had to plan an anniversary event…Do you know how…?”  Softening the approach changes everything! Let us make every effort to put on a “disrespect meter”  before letting words pass through our lips. couplesshot9Respect in Public Dozens of men confessed as to how painful it is when their wives criticize them in public, put them down, or even question their judgement in front of others.  Teasing can be torture.  Many of us have wondered why our men – normally so good natured – get so upset by a little public joking.  The only time a guy’s guard is completely down is with the woman he loves.  So she can pierce his heart like no one else. Be Respectful even when he’s Absent Complaining about your man to others, which perpetuates a dissatisfaction that affects him – we must kill this terrible habit! Showing Public Respect goes a long way Taking those little opportunities to honestly praise him or ask his opinion in front of others will build him up and he’ll think you’re the most wonderful woman in the world. “She has to make me feel respected so that I can command respect out there in the world.  If she defeats me emotionally, I can’t win the race and bring home the prize for her.” couplesshot2In Conclusion We as women hold incredible power – and responsibility – in our hands.  We have the ability to either build up or tear down our men.  We can either strengthen or hobble them in ways that go far beyond our relationship.  From now on, choose to demonstrate respect and choose not to demonstrate disrespect, starting with never humiliating them in public.  Take every opportunity, in private and in public, to demonstrate – through words and actions – how proud we are of our men and how much we trust them. Behind every man is a great woman  If a man’s wife is supportive and believes in him, he can conquer the world – or at least his corner of it.  He will do better at work, at home, everywhere.  By contrast, men can do well at work or at home if their wives make them feel inadequate. This concludes the first chapter of this book and only the first of seven incredible revelations about men.  You deserve to get this book!  I’ve learned so much and you will too.  Go on and git it!  Thank you Shaunti Feldhahn, for your gift to the world.

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