Category Archives: WaxPoetic

I’m no expert, but sometimes I poetry

save the sex

You should be glad that I don’t want to have sex with you… …Because I want to get to know you I want to get to know you like “What are your hopes and dreams,” get to know you I want to get to know you like “What are your favorite Chris Rock lines,” get to know you I want you to make me laugh, make me think, argue with me, teach me something I want you to stimulate my mind, not my pikachu I don’t want to get to know you like “This is how I like it” get to know you I don’t want to get to know you like “This is where it feels good” get to know you I don’t want to know where you’ve done it and where you want to do it I want to explore your brain, not your body I don’t want to “get out of here” I don’t want to go to “your place or mine” I don’t want you to “want me so bad” Let’s share a meal, share a song, share a film Sharing our bodies is the last thing on my list A beautiful body is candy for my eyes for a moment in time But a beautiful mind will feed me forever A beautiful body will satiate me temporarily But a beautiful mind will keep me thinking for long after Pecs can’t replace knowledge, nor biceps energy A six pack is not a witty tongue, nor a five o’clock shadow a romantic heart I want to care about you I want to wonder what you’re doing when I’m not with you I want to meet your friends, a co-worker, and the deli guy who always hooks you up I want to see you sing and dance and act a fool I want to have an inside joke and a few “remember when’s” I want to keep these butterflies that come along with you I want to keep this grin that bears when I think of you I want to keep these eyes that sigh when I look at you I want to keep these goose bumps that appear at the touch of you I’m not going to have sex with you… …Because I want to get to know you. You’re Welcome

SELF-DECEPTION…

I tell myself you’re real
That your eyes are filled with truth
That your words are meant for me
That your fingers are emitting love
That your passion is more than skin-deep

I tell myself that this time around, it’ll be better
That a different you, a different me, in the same place
Might finally find a common denominator
That when added together, will bear the same numerator
And we will finally equal one

I tell myself that you want me
That you mean more than you let on
That there is more emotion churning beneath the surface
That I will be amongst the select few who will touch you

I tell myself that you mean well
That you are a certain way that I am simply not used to
That I can’t take your actions at face value
That it’s okay to set a second standard to make what you do okay

I tell myself that I’m okay
That I have to decide what I want out of this
That I can’t expect true love from this
That I have to keep my cool
That I can’t get caught up
Until, of course, you do

I tell myself to step back, realizing, for once, that I might…actually…get hurt
That for once in my life,
I may actually want you more than you want me
That for once in my life,
I’m the prey and not the predator
That for once in my life,
I see what it’s like on the other side of the glass wall

I tell myself that it’s over,
That I have to make it over
That it must be over, inside and out
That it must be over
In my mind and in my heart and in my libido…
I have to purge myself of you
Before I lose myself to you
I’m Going Home

where do i belong?

Time is passing by But I am standing still What am I missing Why am I unfulfilled When in my heart, I believe That I can fly so free That there is a purpose Which God has in store for me But why is it so hard This load that I carry It hurts my back, my heart Every step is so lonely As time passes by It’s hard to keep my head up high With no one by my side Watching as life is lived By those who can enjoy Imagining how I should live It’s just a movie in my mind As others laugh, I cry Wondering, What am I doing here? Where do I belong? Why did You put me here? Why did you design me? I used to think I had a purpose But as the days pass, I fear That the days will turn to years Full of dreams chased in vain And the years into a life Filled with tears, aches and pain I don’t know anymore If this is for me I can’t do this anymore I can’t remember “happy” I can’t take the emotions Up, down and all around I’m getting motion sickness I just want my feet on solid ground Is it too much to ask for To find my place in this world I used to think I had it I believed in myself But the days just pass by As my dreams sit on the shelf What I am doing here? As life passes by Sometimes I wonder Why I even try I try to keep my head high Take a deep breath and pray I wake up every morning Telling myself I’ll be okay But even I can’t live this lie When the doubts come out to play Insecurity lurks around each bend As I crawl towards the end But no end is in sight To help relieve the fear of this plight I don’t want to be a burden To friends and family It’s not their problem I must maintain my dignity Put on a happy face For all the world to see But inside I’m breaking down I can’t see the end Tears are streaming down As I hang my head to hide The truth behind these eyes The fear that is inside The hope that has been shattered And now is tossed aside The dream that is slowly fading As I face reality

http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/10/10/taped.beatings/index.html

I haven’t had a drink in 25 years Yet here I lay, paying the price for another man’s fears As I lie here on the ground shedding these tears I can’t understand, can’t make sense, can’t see, can’t feel, can’t hear My hand to my head, now my hand, gloved in blood Brought me back moments before, the memory begins to flood The pain of the my head banging against the wall, As he hit me one, two, three, four times…but wait, that’s not all I’m being dragged down, there’s more men than I can count up One’s on my leg, one’s on my arms, one’s on my neck, gagging me up Blow by blow, they’re making sure that I’m not getting up And then, in my ear, one growls, “I’m gonna beat your ass up.” And they do, I can’t see, I’m deadened, without sensation I taste the blood, in my mouth, I spit to restore respiration Metal cuffs on my wrists, cutting off circulation I can do nothing but wait for the end of this molestation I’m a 64-year-old man, to my innocence I can attest On the contrary, never once, did they say, “you’re under arrest” I’m a retired elementary school teacher, I heard a woman scream out, “he has done nothing wrong!” I’d like to meet her. I’ve lived in New Orleans for 29 years, I love it here I remember when I tried to get up, they kicked me down and sneered I was out buying some cigarettes when this tragedy began I was just asking for the curfew when they took my life into their hands I was just saying yesterday how these men were just so swell Through the flood, these men in blue, they did their jobs well But now, I lay in my blood, and they will all go to hell! In the name of Rodney king, Amadou Diallo, and every black man bearing the unjust, intolerable, unwarranted scars of police brutality, I feel your strife As I realize, I’m laying here, begging God for my life Call it police brutality, but there’s more to it, you must see It’s a perversion of power, the white cop’s orgasm, the unnecessary Police brutality that riddles our country’s façade of unity it’s four white men beating a black man we’ve seen it over and over again last time they used batons on a 25-year-old this time, they used their fists on a 64-years-old and they gunned down and killed amadou, a 22-year-old four white, one black, the story’s the same the horror, the disgust, the evil…it’s the same Don’t tell me that our police force is just When shit like this happens day in and day out Think of all the videos that haven’t been shot Think of all the men’s whose lives were degraded Because a few good cops felt the urge to have their power paraded What happened to codes of honor Men in blue Protecting our people Innocent till proven guilty Keepers of the peace Everyone’s best friend Hell, what happened to Loving thy neighbor When did it become OK to beat a man to death, but not quite Cuz otherwise, police brutality becomes murder Getting away with that is way harder But with this, we’ll get a suspension, maybe cause some squad tension But the worst of it will probably be just some unwanted attention And you know what’s craziest, in the midst of it all That this heart is not hurt, it’s still full and standing tall He says that he does not believe that this is an act of discrimination Bless his heart, he even hired a white lawyer for representation Crazy shit

christmas…

The new year is right around the corner…it’s a time to really reflect on ourselves…make some hard-core judgement calls…and resolve to build upon ourselves for the bigger and better…in the new year. Why does it always seem like I’m in a struggle? Why have I not been able, still, to sit back and enjoy my life…truly just be content, since college? I think that I have a lot of “resolving” to do. There are fitness resolutions, financial resolutions, career resolutions, goodwill resolutions, accomplishment resolutions…everything from saving $250 / week to getting a six-pack to pampering myself regularly to managing my time more efficiently to becoming active in my community to reading more books to taking regular trips to cooking regularly to learning a new language to starting on a career path to taking voice lessons…has to be done…NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t dilly dally any longer. It’s pissing me off waaaay too much. I think that at this point in our lives…and I use the word “our” loosely to refer to those that are in a similar point in life such as myself…we’re not going to be livin’ large yet…so it’s gonna have to be a combination to living as comfortably as we can…and learning to be happy with that and accept it as a “transitional period.” I’ve always been a generally happy person. As hard as I am on myself, I also relish in the smaller pleasures in life and have a blast when I want to. Nevertheless, when it comes down to it, I am far from where I want to be and there’s no more time for BS’in anymore! resolutions thus far: -read “Girls just wanna have funds” -read “The Rape of Nanking” -save $250 every week -exercise and eat strictly, but not to the point of torchure =P -regular mani’s, pedi’s and such (hey, ya look good, ya feel good) -take a weekend trip every month (ski trips, visiting friends, etc) -community service -cook at least once a week for myself and roommies -get my journalism ish started, no matter in what capacity -take a voice lesson a week ($50) -bartend to support hobbies and fun stuff, so paycheck is untouched! -volunteer at chinese school? (community service+language in one!) The above are not listed in order of importance. I write purely on stream of consciousness and simply wanted to get this stuff down on paper…down somewhere where I could access it easily lest I ever have to remind myself!